Chester Earl Costagravas needs to get hold of some wedding money before his Julietta leaves him for someone offering her a better reception. First, there’s the thousands of dollars on the table, just begging to be heisted, at Dr. Bohansen’s weekly poker game. Then there’s the stolen Yogomani lamp that Chester Earl’s buddy Ralphie says is worth a lot, created by the Chinese during the Tang dynasty before they got around to inventing fake orange juice. Julietta’s mother and foster brother, Foster, are no help—they’re under indictment for driving up to a museum in Albany and attacking a ceramic buffalo with baseball bats. Oh, and it’s 1999, and Ralphie says this new year, this Twenty-hundred, will bring calamity and confusion. So, when Chester Earl’s kid brother comes to him terrified with a story of watching a head-shot suicide that left no body, Chester Earl must think of a solution for everything. And he must do it quick.